Saturday, 7 July 2018

Reasons Why You Get Jealous In Relationships And 10 Ways You Can Fix It

Jealous In Relationships

Relationships are wonderful affairs for the most part. Finding someone to love who loves you in return is something that is rather precious and somewhat rare in today’s world. It is no wonder that we tend to want to guard our relationships with everything that we have. It is for this reason that both men and women in relationships tend to be jealous. While sometimes the triggers for this jealousy are all in our heads, sometimes our insecurities are well founded.

couple arguing

The way we react to our partners where jealousy is involved can either make or break the relationship. Most times, jealousy tends to bring out the worst in us. While the triggers for a jealous reaction to situations in our relationships may differ, there are some commonalities to be found. This article aims to explore those commonalities as well as ten possible remedies that can help you keep your relationship.

Why Get Jealous?
In order to attempt to fully answer this question, it is important that we understand the root cause of the jealousy we feel. According to research carried out by a number of evolutionary psychologists, jealousy can be broadly categorized as being of a physical nature or of an emotional nature.

Researchers further associate women with the latter and men with the former. Despite these broad classification of jealousy, there are often other underlying causes that trigger either the physical or the emotional type.

One common trigger is insecurity. If we are all being completely honest with ourselves, we have, at some point, let our insecurities get the better of us and our imaginations run wild as a result. Insecurities in relationships may occur regardless of the fact that the insecure, and consequently jealous, individual is a successful business or career person.


For most people, they are as a result of felling inferior to their partners. When we have convinced ourselves that our significant others are way out of our league, we tend to be wary of anyone other than ourselves that they may find even the least bit interesting.

The resultant effect of our own insecurities projected on our partners is a jealous reaction that has the potential to destroy our otherwise wonderful relationships.

RELATED: Why Relationships Are So Darn Difficult?

Another common source of jealousy amongst both men and women is paranoia coupled with the tendency to over think things. To both over thinkers and those who tend to be rather paranoid, nothing is ever as it seems. Both these groups of people tend to see ‘conspiracy theories’ where they are none.

If their partner comes home later than they normally would, their minds go into overdrive and they start to imagine scenarios that are probably non-existent. To such people, the boogie man exists in every single situation.

over thinking

There is no such thing as a harmless smile or a simple late night at work. Everything out of the ordinary almost always has a sinister motive behind it. Nothing is ever as it seems and things always tend towards the doom and gloom.

This does not, however, mean that the feeling of jealousy is one to be taken lightly. The effects of the actions we take in the name of being jealous can be rather hurtful, not only to the other party but to ourselves. Before we lash out, most jealous fits are usually brewing for a while.

RELATED: 7 Signs That Your Partner Is Secretly Unhappy

The jealous party often tends to compare themselves with the third party that is often the subject of our jealousy. We compare ourselves from a physical, emotional, financial and even intellectual level to the ‘other’ person and this can have damaging effects on our self-esteem and sense of worth.

This in turn reduces our capacity to be happy in our own skin. By having this diminished capacity to enjoy self-love, we are, therefore, unable to meet our partners with the love and understanding they deserve from us.

How can we fix it?
Jealousy is not an emotion that we can will away or take a magic pill for it to disappear. It is a recurring emotion that we constantly need to deal with. While it is not easy to get over the fears and anxiety that comes with jealousy, there are some ways to keep it under control and eventually beat the urge to lash out in a jealous rage.

Acknowledge The Monster Within
Our actions while jealous can hardly be described as rational ones. We are driven by an inner force, an inner anger to hurt those who we think have hurt us. The power of acceptance in this case can, therefore, not be undermined.

monster within

Accepting that you are prone to bouts of jealousy, no matter, how small helps to keep you in check in the same way that knowing that you suffer from a given condition will keep your mind on toes to avoid triggers for that condition.

RELATED: What Makes Lasting A Relationship?

The simple fact that you are aware of your susceptibility to jealous fits and the irrationality that comes with it will make it easier for you to control yourself.

Find The Source Of The Problem
As earlier mentioned, there are different triggers for jealousy. It is important that you take a minute to look through the root cause of your jealousy.

Do you get jealous because you tend to let your imagination run wild? Do you have any reason to get jealous? Have you stumbled upon anything or seen any changes in your partner that would be genuine grounds to get jealous?

find source of the problem

Asking these questions at first may cause you to be anxious and may even add fuel to the fire. However, if you are completely honest with yourself while seeking answers to these questions, you will find that in most cases there was nothing to worry about in the first place.

Build Trust In Your Relationship
Trust is often said to be the pillar of any successful relationship. This statement has a lot of truth in it and is rather applicable to cases of jealousy. When we are constantly questioning our partners of their whereabouts, we run the risk of pushing them into the infidelity we are accusing them of.

trust in relationship

Your relationship and your home is meant to be a place of comfort and solace for everyone involved. When one party fails to find the solace they seek within their relationship, the natural order of life is to seek it elsewhere. Having a relationship based on trust will encourage you to be honest and open with each other.

RELATED: How To Have A Successful Relationship With A Man?

This way, you do not have to keep asking where the other party is going, what they are doing and who they are doing it with. Instead you will find this information being offered to you freely.

Communicate With Each Other
Communication is key in any happy, healthy, relationship. When we encourage an environment where each party feels comfortable talking about their feelings without being judged or reprimanded, then it becomes a lot easier to talk about any doubts or suspicions that you might have. Jealousy is often the result of an imagination gone wild.

couple talking

You see a more attractive colleague of your partner whom they work closely together with and suddenly you begin to question the genuineness of all those ‘I am working late’ phone calls.

RELATED: 10 Ways To Keep Romance Alive

Encouraging an environment where you can both express yourself freely allows for you to raise such an insecurity with your partner in a safe environment that will lead you to the assurance that you need. This is much better than stalking your partner, is it not?

Who Are Your Friends?
Friends are an important part of our day to day lives. Without them life would simply be lonely and boring. Our friends are our confidants as well as our partners in crime However, not all friendships are of the helpful nature.


Some friends tend to fuel a fire in almost every situation. If you know you are prone to over think things, then such friends are not probably the best to be around. Instead, seek out those that help calm you down and go through the scenarios playing in your head in a logical manner.

Find friends who will help you work through your fears without judging you in any way. Seek out supportive rather than destructive friends.

Reconsider The Relationship
The relationships we sometimes find ourselves in can bring out the worst in us. A relationship that has little to go on in the way of trust, love, and respect will often break you and eventually bring out the worst in you.

couple in relationship

Take a minute to truly and honestly examine your current relationship. If it is devoid of any other three fundamental characteristics of a healthy relationship then it is probably feeding into your insecurities and causing your jealousy to escalate.

RELATED: 10 Reasons Women Stop Seeing A Men Without Notice

If this is the case then it might be time to consider forgoing that relationship for a healthier one.

Allow For Some Wiggle Room
When we love someone, it is only natural to want to protect them and to spend as much time as possible with them. As romantic as the idea of spending every waking moment with your partner is, it is both impractical and unhealthy.

wiggle with friends

Human beings are social creatures that require the room to mingle with others and socialize. By allowing for room for this to happen without your supervision, you are allowing your partner room to grow and develop into a happy, healthy individual that is capable of giving you the love and attention you deserve.

Grow From Your Jealousy
As difficult as this may sound, one way to deal with your jealousy is to grow from it. If you are jealous of your partner’s friend or co-worker that they seem to spend a lot of time with because of their fit physical appearance, instead of comparing yourself to them improve your own appearance.

time to grow up

Learning the things that make you jealous about someone else can be a good way of reflecting the things about yourself you wish you could improve. Instead of wallowing in self-pity and, or self-hatred, it is better to seek out ways to improve these traits within yourself.

Breathe, It Is Never That Serious
Every time we get jealous, we fail to see things clearly. We tend to let our imaginations and emotions get the better of us. We tend to act in irrational manners that often make our situations worse instead of better. The next time you find yourself in a blinding, jealous rage, take some time to actually calm down and breathe.

calm man breathing

Take a deep breath and allow yourself to process the emotions and thoughts that are currently occupying you mind, body and soul. This extra time taken to breath could be the saving grace your relationship needs.

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Once you are calm enough, you can now approach your partner and have a rational conversation over your fears and the factors that feed into them.

Come to Terms With The Unknown
Relationships and life in general for that matter come with a lot of unknowns. It is this fear of the unknown that drives some people to jealousy. What is my partner doing? Why aren’t they responding to my texts or picking up my calls? Why are they smiling all the time when talking on the phone? Who are they talking to? Who are they with?


The list of questions we ask ourselves is endless. The unknowns to some of these questions lead our minds to start creating answers for them. More often than not, these answers are a manifestation of our fears.

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Coming to terms with the fact that there shall always been unknowns in your relationship will help you breathe a little better and keep the jealous feelings at bay.

Jealousy is a natural emotion coded into the blue prints of our being. It is, therefore, nothing to feel ashamed about. The effects of jealousy can tend to be detrimental to the relationships we have and to our inner selves.

It is, therefore, important that you find out the root cause of your jealousy and address it in order to maintain happy and healthy relationships. And remember, uncertainty is a part of life that we have no choice but to accept and move on.

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