6 Effective Ways To Help You Deal With Heartache
Heartache, wow, how we all wish we had a painkiller that we could swallow and get relief.
Would that be a good solution?
No, I do not think so. It is not just me, but most people would agree.
Heartaches happen for some reason.
It could be a one-sided love.
Being cheated by a loved one.
You cheated and are feeling confused and depressed about it.
You were not open to love and then realized you missed the bus.
In all these scenarios, heart does get broken, anything that breaks will hurt and hurt will give pain.
But pain can last only for that long. No pain lasts forever, unless you decide that you do not want to get out of it.
Which I am sure, none of us want to take that route.
1: Life does come to a standstill when one encounters such situations.
My niece, who was all set to marry her fiancé had this experience.
This gentleman went on a holiday with his family and when he came back, he introduced his bride to my niece. This was after they both had shopped for the wedding trousseau. Guess he used my niece for his shopping and just led her into thinking he wanted her for a life partner. No, she did not misread his intentions. He did say that he loved her.
2: Face this fact and do not run away from it. This indeed is the first step to overcome heartache.
Acknowledge and look at it straight in the eye. If you are the kind that talks to friends, then talk to them and give them a head’s up that it is going to be a venting session.
Are you the kind that likes to lock self and ‘celebrate’ your pain in isolation? Then do exactly that.
You might not want to eat and prefer staying in bed listening to sad songs. Go for it.
Do not try and force yourself to get out of the situation. Allow yourself to indulge in a good cry. Feel bad about the experience and if you like, indulge in a bit of self-pity. It is okay.
Remember, it is normal to keep going over and over again about what went wrong and why it happened.
3: Think of taking some very small steps to get out of this period.
A good, long shower or a soak in the tub helps. Water therapy is therapeutic for some. Hitting the gym is your thing? Get on to it. Or yoga is your choice of stress buster, then just do that.
Grooming is excellent. Looking good never hurt anyone and it is a damn good confidence booster. Sounds hollow? No, I do not think so. Routine life cannot be put on hold. There is family and friends to be attended to, work, studies need to be attended to.
4: Understand what is not working and when to let go.
There is a scene in Jab We Met, Kareena Kapoor Khan and Shahid Kapoor starrer, I find it very useful and would recommend people to use it to overcome pain.
Remember the scene where Shahid Kapoor is burning a photograph (of a girlfriend who has dumped him) followed by flushing the remains of the picture in the toilet?
Symbolism exaggerated a bit for cinematic effect. But there is some truth to it. Cutting and snipping ties that no longer work for us is a positive step.
5: Use this experience to get stronger.
My niece went on to get her Masters degree in Science followed by a software diploma. She has a career as a software engineer and has worked in many international companies. And she is happily married for over a decade now.
If you are not into academics, find a creative outlet of your choice and utilize your experience to make something. Music, screenplay or even a stand-up gig staged for your near and dear ones who took part in your venting sessions.
6: You are special and capable of getting a grip and managing your life.
Maybe it is over four weeks or even 12 weeks and you have moved on a bit.
The hurt will still be there. But now, these past so many weeks and days, you have learned to manage your pain.
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Compare yourself to the person you are now to the one that was right after the heartbreak. Do you feel proud of what you have done to yourself? Take a bow. You have just learnt to take life in your stride and have understood that heartache is not the end of your world.
Life is full of hidden layers. Acceptance is sought, and rejection is feared.
Try making friends with rejection for a change and be open if you get one. It is okay. We just have one life and no matter who rejects us, we should always be there to take care of ourselves by picking up the ‘broken pieces’ and make ourselves into one whole person again.
Deconstruction is important for reconstruction.